thanks and your funny.

MY RESPONSE

awesome,

here is my request…

Draw me as a crime fighter, fighting a furry dragon, that has penguins riding along on its tail…

-d

PS I have lots of muscles and a giant cock… try to incorporate that into the crime fighting suit…

THE PICTURE

Take that you fuckn harry dragon

Anyway, I wanted to write a few things down so you kids would have an idea on where my head is.

After the move to Sydney it took a little time to get the internet and everything set up. I feel like its finally grooving. I settled on a M. W. Fri. gradualreport because I can spend more time on each show, I think you guys probably noticed the pictures I put in and hopefully like the direction its going in.

The topics are now being taken from the comments on my page and from the videos themselves.

I used to use twitter but  have stopped because I actually hate it. It is the instant consciousness of millions of people all bored or selling shit I don’t want. Like, Brittany Spears there simply is no need for it in my life.

I will be setting my Twitter on a rotation of favorite shows and some of my favorite quotes from shows with suggestions for viewings just so the thing doesn’t die, I do need to keep up appearances.

As far as Australia is going, I like it here and have distinguished myself from the other comedians here. I feel like I have a strong set and will be at the comedy garage for three days next week. Sadly, I won’t be taping it, the only way to see it will be to go to the shows.

Well I might tape some of it…

The comedy DVD has sold an amazing 54 copies, (Amazing simply because the number is low not high), I really worked hard on it and put out some quality material into it. I won’t consider it a failure because the people that did buy it love it and have written the kindest email extolling how great it is. Their emails lead me to think I am on the right track even though only 54 copies have been shipped.

I’m heading back to Los Angeles in July for shits and giggles, hopefully I can get a comedy central deal for a show idea I have. I’d tell you about it but it’s a great idea and you’d sell it to them cutting me out. So I’ll tell you about it after they pass. Then we can watch as they make it anyway without me, cuz that be the show business…

After a visit home in the USA it’s off to Serbia to probably get murdered or something, I don’t know those kids love and hate me. I wonder which side of it will win out when I am there.

I will be posting diary style stuff while I am there on Zastozatokuratc the slavic language comedy channel I started in Australia. It should be awesome.

I am still writing the travel book, it’s going to take years, so don’t hold your breath. Just be assured I am the one writing it, not some ghost writer treading on my name.

The diary channel has changed a bit, I’m tellin jokes there everyday. I don’t really get the comments about me not looking healthy and stuff, I’m as fit as I’ve been since college. I have no idea why people think I’m sickly…

As far as the jokes not being funny on that channel, you should see the shit I don’t share. . .

I’m really just trying to do my silly little best, show you a tiny bit of Australia and tell you a joke or two. I don’t have a staff over here or any help, It’s just a kid with a camera and a dream of making it as a comic.

Well kids that pretty much sums up all the shenanigans i’ve been up to…

thanks for watching and telling your friends about me, I’ll try not to let you down.

-d

What is the ticklish feeling? why do we laugh when we get tickled? and why are we ticklish in some areas and not ticklish in others? love ya danny <3

MrExhibit

do a video on belly button lint and why we have it!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoXOawesomenessOXox

do a vid about what the social standards are in high school! you know, how to be cool, how to be a loner, how to be a jock.. stuff like that. (^.^)

Ahines1669

Hey brrrooooooo…. u should do a video about why we always tend to look at the toilet paper after we wipe our asses

TheTechyDeck

You tend to take your shirt off a lot in videos dont you..

DarthSarah000

Do a how to survive high school (:

nicatinefreevideos

do one on the do’s and don’ts of a zombie apocolypse

Scheriem

Do one on ways to get back at your husband for beating you, without being sent to jail. I think your awesomely twisted mind could give us just the advice we need. *Evil Laugh

dhsjango

make a video on why is it so hard to keep your eyes open while you sneeze

XRxJOHNNYxRX

Topic: How to give a girl a full body orgasm by just looking at her

zliman8
r
do a show about eyes, can eye color ever change???????

FailToLive

Where does Belly Button Lint come from? And how do you stop it??

Emsikof

Make a video about phone sex in 19th century 0_o

dbzman66874

if my comment gets a lot of thumbs up, danny’s doing a “first time sex” video

ysnmue95

ok we cleared the first date, now do a first time having sex !!! !!!! 

paintballeros

can a human cry and at the same time fart and sneeze while ejaculating?

XxxXdead

vagina fart

jimmah13

Keepig with the last video, what should you do when you feel you man beslipping into the “FRIEND ZONE” FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

sirtristan01

my name is Tristan!

michelle77974

I love when you call us lemondrops. Why not do a video on pet names?

If that doesn’t make any sense, let me explain. I (we) are all 4 people.

The Past You

The Present You

The Future You

The Person you’d like to be.

Now, it gets even dicier if you have friends or parents because you end up being who they want you to be or need you to be as well. So you turn into you and who your mom thinks you are. But assuming you hold true to yourself there are only 4 of you.

The way it should work:

If all four of you are on the same page it is a smooth ride. The present you works hard at achieving the a goal of creating who you are. This hard work becomes what you have done (the past you), giving the present you experience, knowledge, and confidence. Or inexperience, stupidity and insecurity, depending on what you have done in the past.

Some past people eat a bunch of cookies giving the present person a gut or a bunch of calories and the future lots of work to do.  Some past people eat right and exercise, giving the present them a great body.

The past you affects the present you. That’s both good and bad news. Bad if you were a lazy ass-hole, good if you aren’t and good if you are because you can change. At any time the present you has the power to change the future you, regardless of what the past you has done.

I ate 9 Tim Tams while writing this, when I am done writing I will go swim another 2 miles and hit the weights in the gym. Some people might say if you were just a little more responsible in the present you wouldn’t have to work so hard in the future to makeup for a shit past.

And there it is.

If I could take from the past that which I need in the present to succeed in the future, I’d be one well oiled machine. And not four people fighting within the one body. But that is the burden of being me.

I know the person I want to be, I won’t let the past me fuck the future me by telling the present me he can’t get back on track. But, I can’t keep the present me from getting too far ahead.

In the last few days I’ve applied for a job at a Bike Shop, a Bag Store and a Butcher Shop. Though none of the jobs really appeal to me, my rank and viewership on youtube is declining and forcing me to make financial decisions about selling some of my free time to someone else. I am going to try and post more regularly to see if I can get the views back up and stave off the pure drudgery of labor for a bit longer. in two weeks we will know whether the I need to find a Fucked Job or keep doing my Dream Job.

Since moving into 501/1 Missenden Rd. Camperdown NSW 2050 all I have done is write standup comedy and the ritual nesting (buying dishes and bed linings and shit paper). Now that the furniture is in place and everything seems to be settling down on the housing front I can finally focus on the things that matter to me most.

Making you kids laugh.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to do the best job in the world,

Danny

PS that camera/iphone thing I had you kids clicking on was a scam, I should have known but I guess I just wanted to believe the lie.

PPS Yes, that’s my real address send me some cool shit or $ if you want. If you google earth it- its the one with the tennis court on the roof-

March 30 TUE : I got some time at Bondi Bar

info at

http://tinyurl.com/y8p5×5n

78 Campbell Parade,

Bondi Beach NSW 2026

Not Sure what i’ll do but i’m sure it will be funny.

_________________________________________________________________________________

March 31 WED : I got ten minutes on Comedy Tribute Night at the Laugh Garage in Sydney http://tinyurl.com/5layy7

I will be doing a tribute to Jim Carrey, It should be very funny.

________________________________________________________________________________

April 6-18th Evry T.W.TH.FR.SAT at http://tinyurl.com/5layy7

These will be the shows to try and get to. It was very nice of then to book me for two weeks, and  I will be in a rare form of peak practice. I will try to tape as much as I can and put them together for a DVD/CD thing. But That might all fall apart and seeing it live might be the only way to experience it.

I’m really excited about going up and hope a bunch of you kids come to the clubs and meet up with me after the shows, it should be a blast.

First, the obvious:

Boobes feed babies and babies turn into men, some of them anyway, if however you are the type of man that likes boobs because they remind you of your mothers warm arms and your childhood you are one fucked up dude. Check your shit at a hospital before you flip and strat killing people dressed in oyur moms clothes.

Second, the scientific:

Charles Darwin states that men subconsciously choose there mates based on the ability that the mate will bear viable offspring and propagate the species. Big boobies tend to be a staple of the healthy woman’s figure. Ergo me love big boobies. Though the propagation of the species is not the reason people choose mates anymore, and I suspect it wasn’t the reason even back in prehistory, it is one of the last visages of a primordial goope that has remained hard wired like pleasure and pain. This subconscious decision is not mutually exclusive to the real reason but it is not the sole reason.

Third, the social programming:

From birth every person alive today has been, in one way or another, influenced by society to lust after things that they don’t necessarily have any reason to lust after. In short, Society has an impact in men loving breasts. (whoa… I know)

Fourth and possibly the most important reason:

Because we are not allowed to have them. If you look through any national geographic where tribal ladies are bear breastes you won’t see a bunch of guys looking pointing staring and screaming like the baboons you see at the saddle ranch on sunset when a boob slips out of a halter top. Why? because they are not taboo. They are matter of fact on display. the very fact that wemon keep boobs to themselves makes men want them…

Final Summation:

All the reasons together create the perfect storm for men to love boobs. Any reason on its own might be enough, which one is the most important Probably the fourth because the complex social creature that man has eveoled into has created for better or worse a love for the unattainable.

It’ sunny they have kangaroos, koalas and all sorts of cool shit there. Ok so the real reason then…

I recently went on a trip around the world (booking coming soon) and was fortunate to spend 30 + days in the AU. What I found was that it was an environment that excited me. I was born in Los Angeles, raised in Los Angeles and surrounding desserts. Recently, on a trip through 35 states of the USA I have come to the conclusion that I have been stuck in Los Angeles.

The monotony of life has caught up with me and I feel that a change is needed.

GR 1. My first 90 or so videos I lived in a basement apartment in Portland, Oregon. I was going out everynight doing the stand up mic thing, tring out lots of different jokes on live people. Most of my first videos were jokes that I adapted to vlog form. I had 30 videos and 25 subscribers but it didn’t matter cause I was excited about the work.

GR2. I moved around a bit and landed back in LA with family friends, Because Malibu is far as shit from everything I couldn’t get out and try new shit. I slipped into a internet consumed world with flashes of beach going and tennis and other distractions I call a well rounded life. I visited family in NY and had a great summer bringing you guy’s along with me, then came the “round the world trip” and two months of silence. When I got back I needed to get money and such a Job. Enter several videos about resumes and getting a job. Then having a job I decided I hated work, enter “how to quite your job. Eventually I paid off the credit cards and worked my way out of needing in job.

The Ford thing happened and I took the opportunity to quite I. I thus had to also try to start making money at the hobby. In doing this I lost the reason I love the GR to begin with. The diary failed, lots of things failed. The work became a slow decline of my ranking from 60th most subscribed to 75th. The frustration killed the creative, so I stopped caring. So enter shows about not caring about numbers and non-new year resolutions. I started liking the work again, but I need people. I need a city to feed energy off of.  The space I was working in, the people, the bridges I burn with awkward glances, I just feel that I need to get out of the country out of all that I know, and feel comfortable with, the vacuous space in LA.

I need a change, a city, a different voice talking to me.

GR3. Sydney, Australia. I know that whatever demons I have inside me will follow me where every I go. I have also learned that sometimes the battle field we choose can have an advantage on the demons we can overcome. It might take me a minute to get settled but I think Australia will replenish the soul I feel I’ve lost in creative stagnation. It will force me to meet new people, to be uncomfortable, to have new experiences. And best of all to share them with you guys.

So why Australia…?  Why not?

Banana Rap song thing

This is a song with two bananas
When you see that I have two bananas
You will think: stupidity with a bananas
This lunatic has two bananas
What is he going to do with those two bananas
Ill show now with the two bananas
I’m going to the street with these two bananas
I shoot a gun with these two bananas
Looking for a girl friends with these two bananas
I lock my bike with bike lock
I’m not an idiot im not going to let someone steel my bananas if I leave them on my bike.
What are you thinking, really, if you don’t have a brain one day you will never have two banans

(Really slow)
I will give you my banana only to smoke on
When it explodes you just swallow

You have to be smart with your two bananas
You have to watch out for your two bananas

If you waste your bananas you will catch a rabbit
The rabbit will sex you all over the world

Its not a penis and its not money
Its not for eating and its not a banana

I’m talking about life what type of bananas
All that’s life cocks bananas only your life is bananas

I will wake you up with bananas

Is he polite, does he have manners, I never said I would have them.

Ill give you a banana only to see only to see
I’ll give you a banana in your butt
Bye I’ll see you later cock

I will give you my banana only to smoke on
When it explodes you just swallow.

I’ve got the Iphone 3Gs because I use the video function quite a bit. and with the diarycoming back online witha  video everyday I use it more then most.

The idea is I shoot a video about everything I do that day cut it all together and post a in the life of Danny type thing sponsored by whomever… The sponsors have all lined up only thing is I can’t edit the videos because my computer is runing Ilife4. I need ilife8 or newer to recognize video files. Currently I only see the .jpeg files.

So I update ($108, and 30minutes)  I install the patches and updates  (80 minutes and 6 restarts). and what do I get.  Nothing, I also have to update my Operating software. Apparently I’m running tiger and I need Leopard,  Actually Snow Leopard would be ideal but my computer is so old it wont be able to handle the “snow Leopard.” Fucking Cat fetish asshole programmer.

So another $100 or so dollars if my friend Alex didn’t already have it and I didn’t get it for free, take that technology, he gets to put it on 5 computers and I talked him into letting me have it for a beer.  Because that was about what its worth to me.

So I install Leopard, a little way in it tells me it’s going to erase my computer and start over. I didn’t back up this book I’ve been writing so I try to get out of the startup and back up the book. There is no back up button only a keep going button. So I go to the file page and request the computer to restart from the HD and not the Disk.

this causes the computer to flash at me make a noise and turn off. Then it wouldn’t turn on. The geniuse bar is only as good as being able to erase and start over. There one size fits all solution is erase and start over. So that’s what happened.

I lost the book, about 160 pages of garbage I should have rewritten anyway… and my editing program. Final cut express.

I might need to buy it again if i can’t find it somewhere.

So to be able to  edit the video files on my phone, I traded my way to edit them and a book that I was writing, but have the latest Leopard back ground.

I would have lost more, but I backup pictures, and videos daily…

so what did we learn,

Anytime you do anything new, with old technology, it erases all that you have learned.

-d