No… I don’t know where you live.

Here is how it works…

First, find someone in your town that puts on shows (you know the one that’s always sending you emails to come out to play) and then have them contact my booking agent Robin Greenberg at grnatour@gmail.com and he’ll take things from there.

Thanks for the help.

Hope to see you there!

-d

I’ve bought a one way ticket back to the United States, so it might be a long long time before I’m in this hemisphere again, but before I go I am doing one last show in Sydney.

Here is where you can buy the tickets/everything you need to know for Sydney… http://sydney.edu.au/seymour/boxoffice/program_myeyesareuphere.shtml

In melbourne… call Ph: 03 9348 9488 between 10am and 4pm and ask for tickets to the show with Danny in it June 1st if they say Danny who … say Danny gradualreport Grozdich is there any other motherfucking danny worth seeing…

Bonus information.face:

I will have a meet up after the show in the lobby and shake hands, take pictures and hug anyone that wants to meet up. So if you’ve ever wanted to meet me, this pretty much your best opportunity.

I expect this thing to sell out pretty fast don’t waste the head start I just gave you… when its sold out, that’s it, so hit up the link asap and buy your tickets, Once you have yours bought, send this email to all your friends so that they can share in what will be an awesome night of comedy.

Incase you forgot what I look like, here’s a taste of some earlier jokes and stuff,

comedy stand up teaser

Much love,

-d

PS No worries, If you are under 18. It’s a theater not a bar..

But before I go, I wanted to say thank you to all the people that I’ve met in Australia.  So I am doing ONE LAST SHOW in Sydney and ONE in Melbourne. If you live within 6 hours driving distance of these cities… I’d think it would be worth it to hop in for these shows. They will be my finest hour of comedic awesomeness and story telling.

Detailes are still being worked out but as it stands now…

June 10th, 8pm, (somewhere), Sydney. $25.

June 1st, 8pm, Comics Lounge, Melbourne. (I have no idea what the door is).

After each show I will hang out, as always, until the last fan leaves with a great picture and awesome memory.

And that’s it. After that I get on a plane and go to the other side of the planet for an undetermined amount of time. I will keep posting updates on Ddiary09 about when and where you can get tickets.

But if you want a direct email from me to be sure you can get tickets before it sells out… email me directly asking for ticket info, and when I get  the info, I’ll shoot you an email letting you know where to go get them. gradualreport@gmail.com

Thanks for the interent love australia…

more to follow,

-d

You go to the FAQ page and type in your question (if it was not already asked), then I answer  it. Then by the powers of magic and google monkey-goats, it gets posted to the FAQ page. It sounds lame, but I can assure you its better then sex with a giraffe.

You can ask me anything,

-d

PS. It’s at the top of the page next to where it say’s home… click  on the thing that says FAQ to play…

http://www.youtube.com/gradualreport#p/u/2/NubKylJorCw

http://www.youtube.com/gradualreport#p/search/2/jYdwvqLKyR4

http://www.youtube.com/gradualreport#p/search/1/LkDxc2Q6IPU

http://www.youtube.com/gradualreport#p/search/3/J4NZbX3pQaA

http://www.youtube.com/gradualreport#p/search/4/yZMWtzyhiAk

http://www.youtube.com/gradualreport#p/search/7/RY7auT-SEZ4

your welcome,

Not too sure if people can make it out, but it would be nice to see you lemon drops. As far as I can tell this really is the only for sure way to get to meet up. I don’t have any plans to return to Melbourne and actually will be leaving Sydney as well. Going home to California where I was born and stuff in June.

So I’ll be doing the funny monkey dance on stage that night and meeting people after the gig. It should be fun.

hope to see you kids there,

-d

You’ve blocked me on youTube, so I can’t send this message to you there. That in it’s self upsets me. But… well, fair enough. I’ve been critical of you as of late.

I only wanted to say this:

Why are you doing this kind of comedy now? I’ve been with you since you did these…holy fuck. I just went back in your history. It’s been 3 years.

Three fucking years, Danny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A5z3cLFAXI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsxjQQqCndo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjHDTPde0Iw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haA4Oq2OWxY

You know why everyone compares you to Jim Carrey? And also why they rarely spell his name correctly? They’re morons. That’s why. You attract idiots now. Why do you fuck with the speed of your videos? You used to put so much thought, insight, intelligence, etc in to your videos.

Now it’s just stupid fucking shit.

Why??? Please. I miss the real you (I say that because I firmly believe what I loved watching was the real you — the intelilgent George Carlin style stuff).

I hope you don’t take this insultingly. I promise you, I mean no harm. I just want you to be great again. You don’t need to lower yourself to this douchebaggery. You were so fucking good. And, I believe if you had kept at it, you’d be famous after a lot of years of work. As you are now though, you’ll always be some douche (like Fred) from youTube.

You’re better than this.

Dear *****,

I rarely, if ever, block people. I have done it a few times, if the person was particularly hateful or mean spirited. So congratulations for being an asshole. From your email I can deduce you mean well and want to help. I appreciate your comments and offer this in reply:

Creativity, like thoughtfulness, vacillates. Waxing and waning in a never ending cycle of effort and failure. Success on the internet has less to do with being creative and more to do with appealing to the lowest common denominator and alining yourself to other more relevant (read topical search item) brands.

The videos that appeal to the largest group of people are popular and give me food and freedom to think and play. If I could, I would make all videos genius and be recognized as the most thought provoking interent comedy bla bla the world has ever seen, but try as I might my best efforts fall short of blending thoughtful with mass appeal.

Also those videos are the result of several agonizing weeks of searching for correlation’s that came out in a moment of brilliant inspiration whist spending hours infront of a camera splitting hairs about morality and pizza.

Sadly those types of melding between funny and thoughtful are not only difficult to sustain but weakly rewarded.

A video with condoms in the title gets 100K views in three days, is fun to shoot, and rewarding on a gut splitting slap stick humor sort of way. A video about the loss of artistic pride in pizza and how it mirrors the fall of social value is a difficult cognitive exercise that is inherently unfunny, requires punching up to get traction and is rarely forwarded to friends, making it a poor earner.

I cannot apologize for the videos you didn’t like because I assure you every single one of my videos makes me smile, most of them make me laugh, and I still get one or two out every few weeks that make me think.

I hope you stick around, but more then that, I hope you find what I lack in something you create yourself.

-d

Thank you to the people who came to last night’s comedy gig! It was hot. No really, the temperature. It was really hot in there, wasn’t it? You know what I did to cool off you sly devils you;)

As you may have seen in Friday’s video, if enough people comment “Mother Trucker, I love science” then next week will be Science Week at The Gradual Report. If you were living under a rock until just now, here’s the vid:Dog\’s VS. People: Who gets more?! you lazy, lazy person.

Trip planning is still going well, though I am still looking for more silly requests and special activities that you all suggest for me. So leave a comment here if you’ve got an amazing adventure idea.

-d