March 30 TUE : I got some time at Bondi Bar

info at

http://tinyurl.com/y8p5×5n

78 Campbell Parade,

Bondi Beach NSW 2026

Not Sure what i’ll do but i’m sure it will be funny.

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March 31 WED : I got ten minutes on Comedy Tribute Night at the Laugh Garage in Sydney http://tinyurl.com/5layy7

I will be doing a tribute to Jim Carrey, It should be very funny.

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April 6-18th Evry T.W.TH.FR.SAT at http://tinyurl.com/5layy7

These will be the shows to try and get to. It was very nice of then to book me for two weeks, and  I will be in a rare form of peak practice. I will try to tape as much as I can and put them together for a DVD/CD thing. But That might all fall apart and seeing it live might be the only way to experience it.

I’m really excited about going up and hope a bunch of you kids come to the clubs and meet up with me after the shows, it should be a blast.

First, the obvious:

Boobes feed babies and babies turn into men, some of them anyway, if however you are the type of man that likes boobs because they remind you of your mothers warm arms and your childhood you are one fucked up dude. Check your shit at a hospital before you flip and strat killing people dressed in oyur moms clothes.

Second, the scientific:

Charles Darwin states that men subconsciously choose there mates based on the ability that the mate will bear viable offspring and propagate the species. Big boobies tend to be a staple of the healthy woman’s figure. Ergo me love big boobies. Though the propagation of the species is not the reason people choose mates anymore, and I suspect it wasn’t the reason even back in prehistory, it is one of the last visages of a primordial goope that has remained hard wired like pleasure and pain. This subconscious decision is not mutually exclusive to the real reason but it is not the sole reason.

Third, the social programming:

From birth every person alive today has been, in one way or another, influenced by society to lust after things that they don’t necessarily have any reason to lust after. In short, Society has an impact in men loving breasts. (whoa… I know)

Fourth and possibly the most important reason:

Because we are not allowed to have them. If you look through any national geographic where tribal ladies are bear breastes you won’t see a bunch of guys looking pointing staring and screaming like the baboons you see at the saddle ranch on sunset when a boob slips out of a halter top. Why? because they are not taboo. They are matter of fact on display. the very fact that wemon keep boobs to themselves makes men want them…

Final Summation:

All the reasons together create the perfect storm for men to love boobs. Any reason on its own might be enough, which one is the most important Probably the fourth because the complex social creature that man has eveoled into has created for better or worse a love for the unattainable.

It’ sunny they have kangaroos, koalas and all sorts of cool shit there. Ok so the real reason then…

I recently went on a trip around the world (booking coming soon) and was fortunate to spend 30 + days in the AU. What I found was that it was an environment that excited me. I was born in Los Angeles, raised in Los Angeles and surrounding desserts. Recently, on a trip through 35 states of the USA I have come to the conclusion that I have been stuck in Los Angeles.

The monotony of life has caught up with me and I feel that a change is needed.

GR 1. My first 90 or so videos I lived in a basement apartment in Portland, Oregon. I was going out everynight doing the stand up mic thing, tring out lots of different jokes on live people. Most of my first videos were jokes that I adapted to vlog form. I had 30 videos and 25 subscribers but it didn’t matter cause I was excited about the work.

GR2. I moved around a bit and landed back in LA with family friends, Because Malibu is far as shit from everything I couldn’t get out and try new shit. I slipped into a internet consumed world with flashes of beach going and tennis and other distractions I call a well rounded life. I visited family in NY and had a great summer bringing you guy’s along with me, then came the “round the world trip” and two months of silence. When I got back I needed to get money and such a Job. Enter several videos about resumes and getting a job. Then having a job I decided I hated work, enter “how to quite your job. Eventually I paid off the credit cards and worked my way out of needing in job.

The Ford thing happened and I took the opportunity to quite I. I thus had to also try to start making money at the hobby. In doing this I lost the reason I love the GR to begin with. The diary failed, lots of things failed. The work became a slow decline of my ranking from 60th most subscribed to 75th. The frustration killed the creative, so I stopped caring. So enter shows about not caring about numbers and non-new year resolutions. I started liking the work again, but I need people. I need a city to feed energy off of.  The space I was working in, the people, the bridges I burn with awkward glances, I just feel that I need to get out of the country out of all that I know, and feel comfortable with, the vacuous space in LA.

I need a change, a city, a different voice talking to me.

GR3. Sydney, Australia. I know that whatever demons I have inside me will follow me where every I go. I have also learned that sometimes the battle field we choose can have an advantage on the demons we can overcome. It might take me a minute to get settled but I think Australia will replenish the soul I feel I’ve lost in creative stagnation. It will force me to meet new people, to be uncomfortable, to have new experiences. And best of all to share them with you guys.

So why Australia…?  Why not?

Banana Rap song thing

This is a song with two bananas
When you see that I have two bananas
You will think: stupidity with a bananas
This lunatic has two bananas
What is he going to do with those two bananas
Ill show now with the two bananas
I’m going to the street with these two bananas
I shoot a gun with these two bananas
Looking for a girl friends with these two bananas
I lock my bike with bike lock
I’m not an idiot im not going to let someone steel my bananas if I leave them on my bike.
What are you thinking, really, if you don’t have a brain one day you will never have two banans

(Really slow)
I will give you my banana only to smoke on
When it explodes you just swallow

You have to be smart with your two bananas
You have to watch out for your two bananas

If you waste your bananas you will catch a rabbit
The rabbit will sex you all over the world

Its not a penis and its not money
Its not for eating and its not a banana

I’m talking about life what type of bananas
All that’s life cocks bananas only your life is bananas

I will wake you up with bananas

Is he polite, does he have manners, I never said I would have them.

Ill give you a banana only to see only to see
I’ll give you a banana in your butt
Bye I’ll see you later cock

I will give you my banana only to smoke on
When it explodes you just swallow.

I’ve got the Iphone 3Gs because I use the video function quite a bit. and with the diarycoming back online witha  video everyday I use it more then most.

The idea is I shoot a video about everything I do that day cut it all together and post a in the life of Danny type thing sponsored by whomever… The sponsors have all lined up only thing is I can’t edit the videos because my computer is runing Ilife4. I need ilife8 or newer to recognize video files. Currently I only see the .jpeg files.

So I update ($108, and 30minutes)  I install the patches and updates  (80 minutes and 6 restarts). and what do I get.  Nothing, I also have to update my Operating software. Apparently I’m running tiger and I need Leopard,  Actually Snow Leopard would be ideal but my computer is so old it wont be able to handle the “snow Leopard.” Fucking Cat fetish asshole programmer.

So another $100 or so dollars if my friend Alex didn’t already have it and I didn’t get it for free, take that technology, he gets to put it on 5 computers and I talked him into letting me have it for a beer.  Because that was about what its worth to me.

So I install Leopard, a little way in it tells me it’s going to erase my computer and start over. I didn’t back up this book I’ve been writing so I try to get out of the startup and back up the book. There is no back up button only a keep going button. So I go to the file page and request the computer to restart from the HD and not the Disk.

this causes the computer to flash at me make a noise and turn off. Then it wouldn’t turn on. The geniuse bar is only as good as being able to erase and start over. There one size fits all solution is erase and start over. So that’s what happened.

I lost the book, about 160 pages of garbage I should have rewritten anyway… and my editing program. Final cut express.

I might need to buy it again if i can’t find it somewhere.

So to be able to  edit the video files on my phone, I traded my way to edit them and a book that I was writing, but have the latest Leopard back ground.

I would have lost more, but I backup pictures, and videos daily…

so what did we learn,

Anytime you do anything new, with old technology, it erases all that you have learned.

-d

I was at the shopping market getting some chicken for a sammish and this dude steppes on my shoe. I was about to get postal and fuck up his day, but decided that was “2009″ not “2010″. 2010 is different, then it hit me.

The past carries over as long as we carry it.

New Year be damned we are still the same fucked up individuals we were.

Some of us might be able to pull of the hokus pokus and change our lives, but that comes from a need far greater than any New Year celibration can muster.

Real self realization comes not at the end of a communal year but at the end of a very personal ordeal that tests our views and boundaries.

So I ask people what is with all the delusional new years bull shit.

I reinvent myself very fucking day. Every motherfucking day I wake up and think…

Fuck…

Today is a mother fucking gift,

Today I can be excelent,

Today I will rise to the occasion that has become my life.

So I punched the guy in the dick and told him to watch his fucking step as he hit the floor in the bread isle.

-d

PS your welcome

-d

• I graduated From UCLA with 3 sets of honors.
• I got a 1400 on my SAT’s.
• I have a saving account with $8,423.62 in it.
• My Credit score is in the low 700’s.
• I’ve been to 37 countries.
• I’ve written 160 pages in my next book.
• I have made over 320 videos on the Internet have over 85,000 subscribers on youtube and over 14 million views.

And in my limited experience, no one cares about the numbers… It’s enough to graduate, to visit another place, to write a book, to get honors, to make silly youtube videos.

When I communicate with people and use numbers I feel like I fail… The number of things/times/places becomes the focus. Not the event. And numbers are not a feeling, they are nothing more than a quantitative calculative symbol that may or may not have meaning. Also, I find that the larger the number is the less of a grasp I have in understanding it.

example:

An elephant wights 10,000 pounds… that means nothing to anyone. 10,000 of something is crazy to imagine in one place.

So we break it down further replacing 10,000 with

An elephant weights as much as two SUV’s… closer we almost have a meaning. 2 SUV’s has an intrinsic value people can wrap there heads around. Everyone can picture two SUV’s side by side. Yet, we still have that number 2 in there. Can do better.

An elephant weighs as much as a big metal slab that could make you a stain in the carpet if dropped on you. So much a stain, that not even your teeth would survive the impact. There would literally be nothing left but a funny mist and the echo of a shrilling scream.

That’s how much an elephant weighs with out numbers… truly terrifying isn’t it…

Final summation; if you count the things you don’t have, you might not have enough time left to love the things you do…

Share this video/blog with the hug counter in your family. . . hopefully they’ll stop counting long enough to hug you without counting it. . .

-d

leave a comment only if you want to… I’m not counting this holiday season

1. Loving relationship between two people.

2. Broken condom.

3. Hateful relationship between two people.

4. A revenge grudge between a pimp and a whore.

5. Heaven

6. Hell

7. Pergatory

8. Previous life of a dog

9. No where

10. Somewhere

11. A rape victim.

12. A botched abortion

The sad reality is that babies come from all sort of different places. But where they came from is no indication of where they will go.

-Danny

P.S. the gradualreport will up soon. youtube stalled and I had to restart the upload but it should be a good show and up soon.

In China, that bastion of gaming rights.

2007, it was reported that Xu Yan died after playing online games persistently for over 15 days during the Lunar New Year holiday. Its like being a winner and a loser at the same time.

2005, one news agency reported that “Xiao Yi was thirteen when he threw himself from the top of a twenty-four story tower block in his home town, leaving notes that spoke of his addiction and his hope of being reunited with fellow cyber-players in heaven. In the note he had completely assumed the identity of his gaming character.

-and so Darwin was right after all.

2005, the BBC reported a murder in Shanghai, when Qiu Chengwei fatally stabbed fellow player Zhu Caoyuan, who had sold on eBay a “dragon sabre” sword he had been lent in a Legend of Mir 3 game. He was later released because the judge was the guy that bought it, and understood its true magical value.

South Korea

2005, Lee Seung Seop played StarCraft almost continuously for fifty hours. He went into cardiac arrest, and died at a local hospital. About six weeks before his death, his girlfriend, also an avid gamer, broke up with him, and he had been fired from his job for repeated tardiness. He was trying to save the para reality and then just joined it peppermint like.

United States

2007, Ohio teen Daniel Petric shot his parents, killing his mother, after they took away his copy of Halo 3. In hindsight they should have taken away his gun. Petric was sentenced to 23 years to life. His mother sentenced to staying dead.

Canada

2008 Brandon Crisp ran away from home on Thanksgiving after his parents took away his Xbox 360 due to falling grades and excessive play of Call of Duty 4. He was last seen alive on a bicycle trail. His body was found weeks later, about 3 miles away, by a party of hunters. An autopsy determined that he died in a fall from a tree. Proving that he also failed at climbing trees.